Powder
by what used to be meemee
Summary: Snow and glass are beautiful. But beautiful things hurt. Living only in the present, Tomoyo and Eriol tread softly as to not leave footprints behind. But their footprints lead to each other. Embedded into the snow. Very angsty, slightly dark. [Complete]


Notes: My imouto-chan and beta says this is the "scariest" fic I have ever written. ::shrugs:: It's only angst. And suicidal motives. This is the fic that so far, I've put to most effort into. Because it's for Kai-san. It went through editing from me and imouto [but she only sees the grammar, spelling, and wording so that's all she's good for. Sorry P-bear! But you told me yourself, you don't like to beta], and it went through 2 "editions" of wording and arrangement. So I hope it's good enough for Kai-san.  
  
Summary: Snow and glass are beautiful. But beautiful things hurt. Living only in the present, Tomoyo and Eriol tread softly as to not leave footprints behind. But their footprints lead to each other. And they are embedded into the snow.  
  
A few parts inspired by Hamasaki Ayumi's POWDER SNOW.  
  
For Kai 'nee-sama. I hope you like this, even if I can't do half as good as you.  
  
[Powder]  
  
~  
  
When snow falls from the sky, in a magical array of white, it's beautiful. Like powder, it's soft and light and fluffy as it touches your skin, gentle and forgiving.  
  
But it's cold.  
  
And like anything in nature, it's always changing. Snow in a blizzard is harsh. The white powder encircles you in a rage, stinging and biting. It muffles your voice. And you will not be heard.  
  
It is fleeting, and you cannot catch it.  
  
It hurts.  
  
Like all beautiful things.  
  
~  
  
She walked forward lightly, a little blindly, through the middle of a winter wonderland. All around her everything was white, covered with the snow, still coming from the cloud-covered sky. It touched her uncovered face, and still she walked, welcoming the little specks of cold on her face.  
  
Behind her the snow had already covered her light footsteps. In front of her, a long white strip still lay ahead.  
  
She too, was dressed symbolically white, the perfect picture of purity. Only her dark curled tresses tumbling around her pale face and her white coat were black.  
  
Only her dark violet eyes portrayed the icy steeliness of her heart.  
  
Her gloved hand reached up to brush the white flakes off her rosy cheeks and lips. The snow fell through her hands, even though they were gloved. Fleeting. And she couldn't catch them. She stopped walking, her hands reached out.  
  
Sudden emotion overtook her, and her dark, dark eyes flooded with hurt. And she wanted, needed to scream. Her lips parted, but no sound came out. Try as she might, none of the hurt would come out.  
  
Her voice had withered away. And she did not yet say a word.  
  
// The snow will muffle your voice. And you will not be heard. //  
  
She could feel her knees almost give way, to what weight? Hers, or the sorrow in her? It didn't matter. The white heels of her boots trembled. Quickly, she shut her eyes tight as to not let anything out, but a drop of water escaped nonetheless.  
  
Down, down it fell, heavied by the weight of hurt and sorrow. Down, down it went, embedding itself in to the snow.  
  
And down, down she crumpled, heels and knees finally giving way. Her body sank into the snow, and her dark curls spread all around her, shielding her face and dampening in the snow. She shook with the emotion of her silent tears, each steadily falling onto the snow that would never wither away.  
  
The snow continued to fall all around her, kissing the top of her head.  
  
// The snow will forgive you. //  
  
She slowly rose, and an ocean appeared before her. Her tears did not dry. Deliberately she walked towards the ocean, blue and gray and never ending.  
  
Her delicate little foot dipped into the freezing waters, burning and biting. Then her other foot. A step and another and another. Now the frigid water lapped at her knees. Her body was filled with a wonderfully cold numbness. She could barely move or feel her legs.  
  
But she walked on.  
  
~  
  
When the light catches the glass just right, it sparkles and colors come out. It's beautiful. You reach out to touch glass and it's smooth and clear and lovely.  
  
But it's cold.  
  
And like anything delicate and fragile, once broken, it is never the same.  
  
When glass breaks, it shatters into a million pieces of shiny powder. And still, it's beautiful. But now as you touch it, it cuts and hurts. And you bleed.  
  
Never put a glass barrier around yourself.  
  
For when it breaks, you break with it.  
  
~  
  
He stepped forward gingerly, his eyes perfectly clear, through the middle of the blinding blizzard. The white snow surrounded him, flying all around him in perfect chaos. It swirled around him, but did not touch him as though a magical barrier was preventing it from doing so.  
  
Behind him, the snow had already covered his footsteps. He could not see what was in front of him, though his eyes were clear. The circling snow made things a gray haze.  
  
But it didn't matter. He knew where he was going.  
  
He was dressed symbolically black, the perfect picture of mystery and charm. Only his dark blue hair that framed his calm face wasn't black. But still it was dark.  
  
Only his deep blue eyes reflected the inner turmoil behind the calm.  
  
His heart gave a slight hitch as he thought of what he was going to do. What he had to do.  
  
But no tears plagued his eyes, and he kept going.  
  
The snow furiously attacked him, as though to try and stop him, but his glass barrier kept it from touching him. So he continued. Nothing was amiss to him. But the snow would not be ignored. On and on it attacked, until finally, in fascination, his black gloved hand reached out to touch that snow.  
  
He only touched cold glass. And the snow dispersed.  
  
He remembered his sorrow, his desperation. But he would not utter a sound. It was enough just to walk.  
  
An ocean appeared before him.  
  
And he responded to its silent call.  
  
~  
  
There is nothing worth living for in this material world.  
  
When we die, who will remember us? When we die, who will care? When we die, what will we have given to that world we have so long occupied?  
  
Our tears. Our laughs. Our sorrows. Our joy. Our hurt. Our happiness. Our pain and suffering and failures and pleasure and successes.  
  
We have each other. And that is enough.  
  
~  
  
She gave a sharp gasp as the cold ocean water lapped at her long white neck. But it wasn't cold anymore to her body. She wondered briefly why it hurt to breathe.  
  
But the ocean compelled her forward.  
  
// Come. //  
  
Only her dark hair floated in a semi ring on the surface of that deep blue- gray.  
  
She closed her dark violet eyes, the lashes dark and beautiful.  
  
~  
  
He barely welcomed that first step of cold when his keen eyes perceived a dark ring of . . . // hair? //  
  
Because his eyes were clear, and the snow was gone, he now saw her. // Tomoyo . . .? //  
  
His glass barrier cracked just a bit. And he began to bleed.  
  
~  
  
A wave of freezing cold washed over her head, and she struggled to breathe. She gave her final gasps for air, and finally gave in to the delightful cold.  
  
Her salty tears continued to add to the ocean, becoming part of it. As she soon would be.  
  
And slowly her hair descended into the water, as did the mournful snow.  
  
Through her muffled ears, she heard a faint splash, but paid no attention, as her mind began to fade into a red stupor.  
  
~  
  
He was bleeding and crying inside, while he rushed into that water in inhuman speed. His only thoughts were to reach her, to save her, and to not let her waste her life.  
  
// Even if there was nothing worth living for, we can live for each other. //  
  
~  
  
Suddenly she was coughing and shivering violently. Her mind did not, could not register why.  
  
And it was cold. So cold.  
  
There was a faint flicker of warmth around her though, but she could not feel it. She could not open her eyes to see. Why couldn't she see?  
  
There was sudden wind about her on one side, and she was being shaken and turned, this way and that. Her brain told her that she was being carried, being rushed . . . // where? //  
  
// Does it matter? //  
  
~  
  
He noticed not that he too, was shivering to his toes, only noticed, only caring about the girl he carried in his shaking arms. // Why am I doing this? //  
  
// For yourself. //  
  
He was in a house, and he had no idea how he got there, or how that crackling fire got started, but it was there, and he was grateful.  
  
His fingers were numb and white and cold, and he hastily tried to take off her soaked clothing. It was now that he noticed his shaking fingers, but he paid them no mind, and concentrated his whole being on the frostbitten girl.  
  
// Please . . . // he silently begged. // Wake up. //  
  
He continued to rub her slowly with the blanket, letting the warmth seep through to her delicate frame, never wondering how the blanket got there.  
  
As he watched her immobile face, the glass barrier around him crumbled a bit more.  
  
~  
  
She didn't want to open her eyes, but she was slowly gaining consciousness. She wondered why she wasn't dead, but there was warmth around her body that she reluctantly accepted, for it brought her back to the real world.  
  
There was nothing for her to do, besides opening her eyes, which she finally did. And still it was cold. And still her tears fell.  
  
Her violet eyes, dark and cold, widened in surprise at the person who was caressing her ever so gently.  
  
// Eriol . . . //  
  
She heard him give a quiet sob upon her opening her eyes. But he had no tears to give.  
  
Her heart tightened and ached; he had saved her. But she didn't want to be saved. What was there to be saved from, besides this hateful world?  
  
And how did he know?  
  
Slowly, her tears stopped, dried. Her eyes remained on his deep, complex, blue eyes. She gave a long, long sigh.  
  
And her eyes closed.  
  
~  
  
He felt strangely elated when she opened her eyes, her dark, dark violet eyes that he had to save. He took in a gasp that was almost a sob of relief.  
  
He did not regret anything. Except perhaps that chance he had, to leave.  
  
But as he continued to minister to her, he knew that he would never leave, not as long as he could live. For her. // For yourself. For those that cannot live with themselves. //  
  
Her eyes slowly closed, and he finally closed his eyes along with hers. A unusual sparkling was at the edge of his eyes. Slowly it fell, down, down it fell, touching the carpet. More and more spilled from those once dry eyes, embedding themselves into the ground.  
  
His glass barrier had shattered. For now he had someone to live for. And he bled. And as the powder scattered, she bled along with him.  
  
// You will never again be the same. Like the pieces of shattered glass. //  
  
~  
  
The snow continued to descend from the cloud-covered sky. Everything it touched was covered.  
  
Except for two sets of footprints. For now, they could accept the past, and live for the future.  
  
And those footprints and their tears would be forever embedded into the snow.  
  
~  
  
- end -  
  
  
  
I'm hoping that wasn't too bad. Because I spent lots of time on this. So it shouldn't be too bad right? Well, it's the longest one-shot I've written so far, but it's still too short. ::sighs:: I wish I could write long chapters/one-shots. It's also the angstiest [is that a word? . . .apparently not] fic I've written so far. I'm also hoping that wasn't too much like 'Gift.'  
  
I'm also thinking of doing an epilogue, where they actually talk, because it seems so . . .incomplete. But then again, it's already so complete. So it'll depend on the reviews. Please review! Reviews are greatly appreciated, as well as constructive criticism.  
  
To Kai 'nee-san: I hope that wasn't too bad, because I know I can't compare with you. And I hope you feel better.  
  
//meemee  
  
http://kisekiyume.blogspot.com 


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